


Best Break-up Story Ever

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fluff, M/M, Meet-Cute, The Pizza Man, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 03:04:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14844452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Re-uploaded per request by villainousfilmmaker.Thor's having a shit day; he's been dumped, he's hungover, and his brother's mean to him. He orders pizza to cheer himself up, only to meet the cutest pizza man in the whole world.





	Best Break-up Story Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Re-uploaded per request. Originally beta-read by @mad_marquise.

**_You’re the apple pie of my eyes_ **

 

Thor isn’t a douchebag. He at least tries not to be one; but sometimes, he kind of is anyway. He can even be a royal pain in the ass, when pushed by stressful events. And today, he’s unfortunately feeling kind of sad and kind of angry at the whole world, so he’s taking it out on everything and everyone crossing his path.

 

He recently has been dumped by his girlfriend of two weeks, Jane. It hadn’t been a long relationship, but it had been an intense one; she was cute, brilliant, and out of his league. They shared good times and kickass make-out sessions in her lab department: but she was too invested in her doctorate to start a _real_ relationship and Thor was too clingy by her standards.

 

It hurt like a son of a cow to be told that. Both Thor’s heart and ego were bruised in the breakup.

 

So, since yesterday, he’s been moping hardcore. He’d woken up with a terrible hangover, and he’s been doing his best since to let the whole world know it can eat his fist for all he cares. He may look like the stereotypical blond white guy with too many muscles, but he’s actually a very sensitive man. He’d been taking a huge liking toJane. He’s feeling really shitty at the moment.

 

He spends his whole morning drinking tea and arguing with his brother about anything: they’re always bickering for stupid reasons anyway, but normally Loki’s the one who starts talking nonsense. For once, Thor goes after _him_ first, arguing over their neighbours’ noise complaints and the state of their own apartment.

 

Then he eats some leftover chilli for lunch, pukes half of it in the toilets, takes a hot shower while crying — he can be both manly _and_ emotional, okay? He simply doesn’t want his brother to hear him sob and mock him about it, he doesn’t have the strength to be on the defensive.

 

He then takes a three-hour nap and wakes up feeling even more bad; he’d had strange nightmares about a green monster, lighting striking colorful skies and infinite bodies laying across the lands, losing his left eye to an evil goddess of death, and watching Loki dying in his arms. _Absolutely terrible. Some days are simply not made to be lived._

 

He drags himself into the kitchen to eat any kind of junk food laying around — the more disgusting the better — but instead he finds a note on the table, taped to a twenty dollar bill. He’s re-reading the note multiple times, feeling both dumb and touched. It says, in beautiful handwriting only his beloved _emo_ sibling could master:

 

“I’m sorry about your girlfriend. It’s her loss, anyway. Treat yourself to some pizza. I’ll be back by midnight, because I’m in charge of the restaurant’s clean-up after my shift. Stop pouting or I’ll kick your face tomorrow. Love you anyway. — Loki.”

 

Thor, the simplest fool that he is, cries at the words. He’s _that_ vulnerable right now.

 

He goes to his computer and checks the nearby pizza place’s site, _Hulked Out_ , putting his favorite meal in his cart without even thinking about it — Hawaiian pizza with extra bacon, cheese sticks, and one huge bottle of coke. He’s going to bury himself under ten covers, watch _Point Break_ on repeat until he passes out from exhaustion. That’s his extreme self-care routine, and he knows it’ll make him feel way better by tomorrow. His brother knows it too, so it doesn’t dwell too long on the silliness of his night’s plan.

 

Right before paying for his food, he put in the “notes and requests” section the digital code of their front door building.

 

Then he remembers he’s having a shitty day, and that _everyone_ must know about it. So he adds:

 

“Please send out your cutest delivery person. I’ve been dumped and I need some comfort. I swear I’m not a creep.”

 

He thinks to himself that only a creep would write that, but he’s too far up his own damn moody mind to change it. He finalizes his order and closes his laptop, starting to gather all his most comfortable clothes, covers and pillows on his tiny couch. Now is _treat-yourself_ time: he lights up his favorite vanilla candles, loads the video player, and patiently waits for his food under his warmth cocoon.

 

He plays Candy Crush on his phone while waiting for the food, beating some of his personal records. After losing all five of his lives, he goes on Twitter to rant about love and deception and the unfairness of a betrayed heart — yeah, he’s _that_ kind of poetical lovesick bastard. He’s shameful of it, but not shameful enough not to tell the internet.

 

Someone’s finally knocking at his door. He gets up very slowly, dramatically draped in all his covers and pieces of clothing; he simply needs his food. He’ll tip the delivery staff, even though today’s his asshole day. But he really doesn’t need to look presentable at all.

 

The door is opened.

 

_Shit,_ Thor simply thinks on repeat. He was _so_ wrong. In front on him is standing the most handsome and sweet looking middle-aged man of his dreams.

 

“Thor Odinson? Here’s your order. I’m— I’m sorry about your _special_ request, I was the only one working tonight’s shift so I couldn’t send you the— the _cutest_ staff member of our team.”

 

“Are you kidding me?”

 

The delivery man is looking at him, fear and hurt mixed in his greenish, beautiful and tender eyes. Oh, Thor feels like the worst man on earth, yet the luckiest one too.

 

“You’re cute as Christmas, man. Not kidding. You got my request a thousand percent right.”

 

The pizza guy blushes so violently red he could be lost in a tomato field. His tagname reads _Bruce._ Thor loves Bruce; how can Bruce not know he looks like heaven on two legs? That’s not right.

 

“Ah— thank you,” Bruce replies, clearly embarrassed.

 

“Ugh, look, I’m sorry I asked for such a shitty request. But I’m really glad I got you. You should value yourself more, bud, you’re the bomb. Bruce, is that right?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Please, let me take you on a date and treat you with all the admiration you deserve.”

 

“What the hell?!” Bruce yells, almost dropping the pizza order on the floor. “What kind of man says that to a complete stranger? You don’t know me! You may be gorgeous-looking but— how _dare you!_ You’re just— _just trying to forget about your break-up!_ Take the time to heal. Eat your pizza. Think about what you just said. Sleep it off.”

 

Thor listens to his rambling with attention and deep interest. His attraction seems replicated, so he asks in confusion:

 

“Is that a no?”

 

Bruce doesn’t say anything back. He hands Thor his food, and once he grabs it, Bruce’s leaving the fastest he can.

 

“I didn’t tip you, man!” Thor shouts after him. Bruce stops, and loudly replies from the stairs he’s taking down:

 

“Don’t tip me! Ask me on a date once you’re not hurting anymore!”

 

Thor makes it a personal promise. He pushes himself against his door, opening his pizza’s box; the guy drew a smiley face with pineapple pieces on the pizza’s top. Thor’s crying again, but from laughing this time. His heart is a mess, but it’s also melting from fondness.

 

The next evening, he’s ordering once again from the pizza place, and asks in the “notes and requests” section:

 

“Bruce, will you go on a date with me? Even if it’s a no, I still need to tip you for yesterday’s pizza. It was perfect, just like you. The cutest delivery man out there. XOXO, Thor.”

 

Bruce appears at his door twenty minutes later, cheeks burning hot, not meeting his gaze. He simply says:

 

“Okay. I’m free this weekend, from 6 pm to 9 pm. You’re sure about it?”

 

“ _Sure as hell._ ”

 

“You’ll regret it. I’m not that extraordinary.”

 

“Didn’t ask for that. I asked for the cutest pizza man, got my wish granted, so now I gotta court him before someone’s else charms him away from me.” Thor’s laughing as he’s flirting around, feeling high on happiness.

 

Bruce pushes the pizza into his arms, smiling despite his frowning expression, replying with affection:

 

“You’re ridiculous. I’ll pick you up at 6 tomorrow, then.”

 

Thor smiles like a cat who got the milk, the good food and the cute boy. _Best breakup story ever,_ he thinks as he watches Bruce leaves. He turns his head one time to catch Thor’s looking right back at him, and he shyly waves him goodbye.

 

This time, his pizza is decorated with a heart made of cherry tomatoes. Thor takes about a hundred pictures before eating it, and spends the rest of his evening daydreaming about their date tomorrow night.


End file.
